5 Ways to Catch Your Mailman
It’s early Monday morning. The smell of freshly brewed coffee delights your senses, as sweet silence fills your living room. Poking through your shutters, the sun paints shaded patterns on your wall. All is peaceful. Serene. The air today seems to be brimming with hope.
Ever since you started your small business, you’ve found waking up to the world a whole lot easier. Because you're passionate about what you do. Now you often find yourself thinking…
“I wonder why Garfield ever hated Mondays?”
You head to your window and open the shutters. At first, the sun is blinding. Then, your eyes focus. That’s when you see it…
"NO. Not this early! I’VE MISSED THEM AGAIN!!!"
The USPS guy gets into their truck and starts moving away from your house. You had a package that you absolutely needed to deliver to one of your customers. Your stomach sinks and you sprint to the front porch.
Still in your PJ’s, you fumble on one sneaker and the other is still half-on. Flinging the door open, you quickly grab the package and dash towards the USPS van with everything you’ve got.
20 yards in, the half-on sneaker falls off, as the USPS truck gains distance. Hobbling along now, you realize that in the race of human on foot vs. USPS truck, there’s only one winner. You stop, but call out in one last desperate attempt.
Your words fall to the ground, as the USPS guy disappears in the distance. Now you suspect you know why Garfield wasn’t a fan of Mondays...
What if it Didn’t Have to be This Way…
If you’re just running after the USPS truck on foot, mail truck vs. you will probably be a massive loss. For you, that is. Unless, of course, you’re Usain Bolt or Shericka Jackson.
But what if there was a more creative way to catch your mailman?
At Ship.com, we’ve put all of our creative brain power together and come up with this post. So here are 5 new (very creative) ways to catch your mailman and give them your packages.
Disclaimer: You guys just seemed to love (In)frequently Asked Shipping Questions. So we decided to give you more shipping silliness. But you probably shouldn’t try any of these tips.
5 Ways to Catch Your Mailman and Give Them Your Packages
1. Use your bathrobe as a cape to fly
The USPS truck is getting away again. It’s windy outside. What do you do? You grab your bathrobe. Yes, that nice one you got last Christmas.
Now, point yourself in the direction of the truck. Grab the bottom of each side of the robe and make wings. Then, run, begin flapping the wings like an eagle, and fly like one!
I know what you’re thinking. If I’m using both arms - where do I hold the package I’m going to give the USPS guy. There’s a few of options:
In one of the robes pockets.
Under your shirt.
Use your legs as hands - hold the package between your calves.
Does it work? No idea. Yes there are a few logistical issues with this method. But it sure would be cool if it did work.
2. Bobsled to the truck!
In the US this year, we saw one of the most frighteningly freezing winters ever. But does the cold weather need to be a barrier to you catching the mail truck? Nuh-uh!
On icy days, keep a sled by the door. When you see the USPS truck sneaking away, grab your package and your sled.
Take a short run-up, then bobsled to that truck! Keep the package in your hands and guard it with your life. The ice should give you some extra zip and pace to catch your USPS guy.
Can I Really Do It? Well, if the Jamaican bobsled team could do it in cool runnings, so could you! Granted, that was a film. Plus, there’s the chance you’d just whizz past the USPS truck.
3. Lure the USPS truck back with the smell of freshly baked goods
You could try to catch up to the USPS truck. Or, you could let the USPS truck come back to you...
How can I make it do that, you ask? By luring your USPS guy or gal back with the scent of freshly baked goods. Come on - everyone loves the smell of a fresh croissant in the morning.
Here’s what you need to do:
Put the fresh baked goods in the oven. Make it a good mix. We’re talking croissants, cinnamon rolls, and some nice danish goodies. Then, put them on a tray and stand outside, wafting them in the direction of the USPS truck.
In theory, if the trucks just up the road - your mail person will come running right back. Nailed it.
This does also mean that if the USPS truck isn’t around or if you just make it on time, you're stuck with a ton of pastries. Worth it.
4. Lots of rain? Did somebody say surfboard?
The USPS truck’s getting away. Outside, the winds howling and the rain is hitting hard - sideways. It’s the absolute worst conditions for trying to catch a mail truck. Or is it the best?
When life hands you lemons, you make lemon juice. And when life hands you rain and you’re trying to catch your USPS guy, it hands you a surfboard.
Go to the garage, grab your board, and get straight out there! There’s no time to waste. Then, lie flat, start paddling, and ride those very small waves right to that mail truck.
What if the rain isn’t heavy? Will it still work? Um - no. You’ll probably just be paddling in the same spot for a while. Hopefully, your neighbors will just think you’re super keen for surf season.
If all else fails - teleport.
Before you say you can’t teleport - have you tried? Ship.com’s very own Lexi said she’s teleported before. When nobody was looking…
Conclusion - There’s More Than One Way to Catch a Mailman
Well, there we have it. As the old saying goes - there’s more than one way to catch a mailman. Or, at least, we think that’s a saying? Anyways - you now have 5 new off-beat ways to catch your mailman when they're driving away. Currently, about 0% of the Ship.com team that suggested these ideas have actually tried them.
Remember, these are the same brains that saved people nearly $2 million on shipping last year. Yup. 🤷
Before you leave: If you want some info on shipping and eCommerce that's ACTUALLY helpful - head to our blog. You'll find TONS of detailed articles and tips specifically made for small businesses.